It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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