You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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