ugly people sure do ruin things
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
do nipples grow back?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
