i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
