He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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