My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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