We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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