I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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