her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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