Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
