Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
