My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
