I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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