Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
