At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
