I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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