one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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