cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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