Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
