just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
