I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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