I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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