Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
as a side note pls kill me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
