Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
it's great music for shaving your balls
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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