Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
