Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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