I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize