I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
