I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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