Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
No subtext here. People are naked.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
