HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
