Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
