This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
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he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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