i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Randomize
