So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
