I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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