also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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