So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
either way he was missing a nipple.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
