If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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