I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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