Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
