So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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