remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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