remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
