is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
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Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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