You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize