I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
