They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
