The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
