He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
