Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
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you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx