Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?