I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot