just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
