He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
