I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.