the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
