Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
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What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
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Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?