Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I've blown a few things in my day
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
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Responsibility does not care about your dick.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
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The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it