So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
