I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Floor bacon is actually really good
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
