dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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