We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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