apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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