my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
