Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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