and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
