Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
