dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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