You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
