she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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