mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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