A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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