This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
