u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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