Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My ATM looks so different sober.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
