Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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