you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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