we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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