i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
