we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
