Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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