I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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