Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
