She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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