Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
