I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
