Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
