Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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