oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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