obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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